I sat here for a moment trying to decide whether or not I should write tonight. It's been the same for a while now, I don't know why I procrastinate so. Finally I figured what the hell and logged in. I got a kick up the butt a couple of weeks ago when I went to check maci's blog and found the title of the post as "patiently waiting" and the post itself starting with:
"I am patiently waiting for Tash to update her blogger. I have been waiting for a real long time."
Youch. Then the other night I get a message from her on msn saying:
"January 7th 2005. The last time you wrote in your blog"
Youch again. Then I start getting e-mails from people saying "where are you?" or "are you not talking to me? I've sent you 3 e-mails and not one response". Youch youch youch.
Then Remi the other night catches me reading through my blog and says "instead of reading it, why don't you actually write in it? Isn't that the point?"
Well... yeah, kinda. Actually it really is the point. Why am I so crap. I always feel like I should start my posts with all the excuses why I haven't written. But then they do say "those who want to, find a way. Those who don't, find excuses". Hrmph. I do want to though. So instead I start my post with a confession. I confess. I'm crap. Mea culpa.
So what? The thing is, I figure one day I'm just going to go back and reply to all the e-mails I've neglected or come and post the stories I haven't told. Then what happens? Well... I get overwhelmed and then it's the good old Aussie "she'll be right mate". Or as Con the Fruiterer would say: "Coupl'a days!"
I was re-reading my blog the other day because someone had said that they had read it recently, then added as a comment that it's funny how you have an idea of someone and then you find out they're completely different. So, I did what every girl would do, I went searching for clues.
What I found, of course, was quite disappointing. Whenever I felt like I wanted to know more, there seemed to be a promise of another post to come to complete the story, but then... nothing.
All the gaps just frustrated me! But... but... what happens next???
How infuriating am I!
And still, I cannot make any promises to write regularly. I know I have made those in the past and failed miserably. *sigh*
I know what I *SHOULD* do, now let's see if I do it.
I think I have written about 4 posts since being in Montreal, and not that many more e-mails. The truth is then that no one really has any clear idea of what is going on with me over here. This is how secrets are born. You brush the bad bits aside, sweep 'em under the carpet and hope they never come back to bite you on the arse. I promised myself I would never do that, but since being here I am faced with a tough moral dilemma. It is one thing to try to be as honest as possible about your own life, but when about when it affects or is affected by others. How much can you say about others without intruding on their weaknesses/pain/fears etc. That is, without disrespecting their human frailty, pride and dignity. I don't know. If anyone has any thoughts on that, please feel free to post your comments. The writer's festival was on not long ago in Montreal and that topic was one of the hot discussion points over a couple of nights... unfortunately I never made it so I still don't know the answer.

We're (slowly) dashing into Spring here. I saw some leaf buds on a tree yesterday, what a marvelous sight. Though it's been raining for days, the 6 month long dreary winter is finally over and rain we can forgive by thinking of the green grass and pretty flowers that are born in its wake.
My visa expires in one month from today. Is that freaky? hell yes.
I turn 31 in just under 3 months. Is that freaky? HELL yeah :/
Oops... gotta go eat dinner. Till next time ;)